I have been at a time in my life that things have started running together. I am so far behind on folding laundry that I have a weeks worth piled on my couch. I have told myself day after day that I will get to it, but at the end of the day I push it off to the next day. It is a repeat cycle of "I'll do it tomorrow, I swear!" Well tonight before I climbed into bed officially, I sat on my phone watching TikTok videos because that is what is taking the world over. While scrolling I got to thinking about what I actually wanted to do, what I wanted for myself in life. I don't fully have that answer worked out, but I can tell you that I want to love myself. I have let myself go over the past few years, and I am yet to find who I truly am. Every day someone asks me what I am doing with my life, and honestly I have no clue. I have the whole plan in y head of what I want, but I do not have a set path of getting there. So tonight I took time to myself for relaxing music and working out. I haven't worked out in months, and tonight I needed it. I have been so hard on myself because I cannot truthfully answer people's questions about my life because I honestly have no clue what I am doing! So I figured me time would be the best thing for me.
I think everyone needs to take 30 minutes to an hour to themselves every night, or every morning, whichever suits you the best. I prefer night because I despise getting up early. I have no clue why I hate it so much, I just do. I think once I start getting up earlier and getting my day started that I will prefer mornings more, but I am a total night owl. I could stay up all night and be perfectly fine! So when I decided to take 30 minutes tonight to sit back and reflect on my life, it really got me thinking about what I honestly want in life. I want to build my own business, and I want to have my own time where I can sit down and breathe for myself. I don't want to worry about being yelled at because I needed a minute to bring myself back to reality, and that is why I want my own business. Sure there are many businesses out there in the world, and I know that, but I want this business to be something we can all do as a family because we need family time too. I don't want it to seem like a chore throughout our children's life. I want it to be something that they brag about in their lives, and that they get excited about because they get to work alongside of their parents. So that is what I want out of my life.
How am I going to get there? At this moment, I have no clue. I know I want to finish my schooling so I can graduate next October, and I know I want to take time to watch my baby grow up. I know I want time to myself, but also time with my boyfriend so we can focus on our relationship. There is a lot that I want in life, and it is going to be so hard to get if I don't have patience with myself and everyone around me. So I guess I am saying that it is going to take a ton of patience in order to get started. Once I figure out the top to bottom details, I will be sure to write about it, but for now it is time to focus on me and make myself happy. It is going to be a long journey, but I hope it will be long enough that I find the love that I should've had a long time ago.
